Well I wanted to get all of this written down before I forgot it all :) We have our first baby on the way! As of now I am 18 weeks and 3 days.... give or take 3 days haha!

So taking a picture of myself wasn't very easy! ( I really hate this picture of myself but I need it for posterity!) I wanted to get a picture at the earlier stages for comparison... oh well. At least I have this one now. So I have been feeling like I really show right now... after seeing the picture and hearing people over and over tell me im not showing.. I guess I'm STILL not showing hehe oh well. Guess I should be thankful for that!

 Well I wanted to get down on words how things have been so far:

 Well about 4 months ago I did start to feel different. Really the only two things that stuck out was feeling so overwhelming hungry and getting tired about mid-day. I had been putting off testing because I had been getting a lot of negative test previously. I was trying to forget about it, and it had worked.I did! So one day I just decided to test again. I put it off all morning, then finally in the middle of the day just decided to go for it. Got a positive result immediately! No need to wait the 1 min or 3 min, whatever it is. Just showed up right away! I really didn't believe it ( and still didn't for about 3 days after). I decided I need a digital test that actually said "pregnant". Brett  wasn't going to be home for another hour so I ran to WalMart. I literally jumped out into the car and sped over! haha. I think I knew deep down in my head it was real, and I felt excited. But still!! Yes I felt dumb going in an only getting a pregnancy test... so I decided to buy some oranges. Because buying oranges would make it so less obvious! HAHA  NOT! I'm sure the check out girl was laughing at me in her head :) So I got home, took the test and yep! Another quick positive! "pregnant!"

By now Brett was due to come home in 30 min. I texted him and told him "it would be great if you could be home right on time today". Haha!  I think he was still 10 min late... geez Brett!!! Just kiddin....
So I think I cleaned everything a human possibly can in 30 min. Dishes, swept, tidy'ed up..... I kept going through my head all the fun ways people break the news to their husband. I couldnt think of anything! Plus we were heading to a friends barbecue in 30 minutes! So I just waited patiently for him to come home. I saw him pull up and just sat at the table waiting for him. He came in the door, shouted out his usual " Im Hooooome!" I lost my nerves and started getting teary eyed sitting at the kitchen table. He came over and asked whats wrong( looking back I should have said something mean like, our dog just died! He is always teasing me, I should have used this to get back at him!) So I just told him I needed  him to come home right away. I pulled out the tests and showed him. I knew he wouldn't realize what the "double line" test was( perhaps that's also why I went and got a digital one) so I pulled out the other and showed and he just stared at them looked shocked, then smiled. Now I have to tell you, I have prepared Brett for this moment many times. Like I said, Brett is such a tease, so I told him he HAD to say something positive when this moment actually came. He looked up at me and said " That's so exciting!" I could tell by the way he said it really wanted to say OH CRAP! Haha. I started laughing and we both just laughed together. Well we had about 10 min to be at our friends barbecue, so we jumped in the car and left! haha!

It was kind of funny to show up there with this huge bombshell we just discovered. And to top it off, we had previously gotten a puppy.... 3 days earlier! So we got a brand new puppy... then got pregnant, hahah! It was a great memory, and we have had tons of fun with the excitement already. Even though we can find out the gender anytime, we have decided to keep it a surprise  until Christmas Day. We will have our next ultrasound on Dec 9th ( thanks to Scott and Erica!) We will wrap up the "results" and TRY to keep it a secret until Christmas.

                                                           13 weeks :)

         
  Our good friends Scott and Erica were nice enough to "hook us up" with an ultrasound. Brett was able to do it himself!

 I'm thinking my next post will need to be the video of me breaking the news to my family.. oh it is so great! Stay tuned!

A New Found Hope

 I am going to try and use this blog more. We will see how that goes! I could spend forever trying to catch up thi sblog on everything we have done the past year. But I am going to start with today( maybe do a flashback another day )

 I have always used thig blog to tell the good thing going on, tell about all the fun stuff, and maybe sometimes leave out the real things. Today I will be real.
 I mostly feel inclined to write today so that I can record my own feelings. I know I can do that in a personal journal or something, but at the same time, the things I am feeling are things to be shared!

 Lately I have struggled with normal human (girly emotional) struggles. :) Feelings of inadequecy, feelings of hopelessness. That I am just here to get through life. Feelings that I cant get through this on my own, so I guess its a lost cause. I should just give up and be happy with a mediocre life. Now I am not complaining of my life. I have a VERY blessed life right now. A great life, great husband, great family, a wonderful home, where I feel happy and safe. I am  not lacking in much right now. But what I had realized I was lacking in was spiritual nourishment. Now I have never been one of those people that was super dedicated to scripture reading, studying, praying and all of that. But  I guess recent questions and concerns have driven me to this, because I had no where else to go. I had exhausted all the other options. I didnt even think to turn to what I knew was the solution the whole time.

 It has only taken me a few days of putting in an honest effort, to feel the difference! What was I thinking before?? Even as I am writing this, i am realizing things I hadnt realized I was feeling before. I have never really understood the scriptures. Never really could relate them to myself. I have had spiritual highs throughout my life. im not saying that I have never felt the spirit or had a trstimony of the scriptures. Life crazy and sometimes you just get off the bandwagon! And I was off!

 This week I have put an honest effore into my scripture study and prayers. I dont want to stop now.
 The first day I read in the sciptures how we should pray through the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I didnt understand how that was possible. ( Mostly because I hadnt tried in a long time). I prayed to know how to do this. The next time was so inspiring. I now pray through the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I can finally express in my prayes exactly what I am feeling. Which has always been hard for me for some reason. I know how I am feeling but how do I put it into words?? I actually had phrases and words put into my mind, the exact words I had been searching to express.
 I have also learned the power of music. I always have some kind of music playing when I am home. Never bad music, just something to fill the silence. I have learned that listening to uplifting and soft, spiritual music ( not necessarily just hymns) is very inspirational. It instantly brings the spirit into my home, and helps make scripture study and prayer more meaningful. I dont know how ir works, it just does! It is almost instantaneous.
 I have learned how important it is to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. For me, the best way to do that right now is through music. It is also by praying through the Holy Ghost. And as a consequence, he is there. The Holy Ghost has the piwer to guide our every action. Not tell us what to do, but help us make better decisions.
 I also, in only the last few days, I have felt an overwheming amount of hope. Just hope in being happy, and being loved. Finally having hope that I can have a real relationship with God again. I have a hope that iIcan overcome my small ( but seemingly huge to me) problems. I have hope that whatever comes, I really dont have to do it a lone. I now understand the concept of having "weak things be made stronger". While I havent been able to over come ALL of my weaknesses in a week, I can see it in the futures, and that is my hope. that I can see my goals in the future.  If we pray for strength to overcome our small weaknesses ( truly and earnestly) we will get it!

 Also, I dont feel that scripture study is a painful as it sounds haha. It is different for everyone. I tried going a long with a manual, and that didnt work for me. Sometimes I try to start from the beginning and go to the end. That doesnt always work for me either. I used to spend my mornings doing what I wanted. Checking emails, breakfast ( well I guess that ones OK) TV. I dont know, bascially just wasted away the morning. But I have found my days to be sooooo much better, more uplifted, just plain HAPPIER when I spend, even just 30 min to trying to feel the spirit. Today I just decided to read about hope. I found a scripture and just kept reading after it. I ended up reading the last two chapters of 2 Nephi. Some of the scriptures that stood out to me.
2 Nephi 31:20 " Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a prefect brightness of HOPE, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father, Ye shall have eternal life."

2 Nephi 32 : 8-9   ....... "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate they performance unto thee, that thy performance may be to the welfare of thy soul."

 Now I know this is a very different blog post than my others.  And like I said, I could have written this all in a personal journal ( which I am no good at ) so bacially its easier for me to type it lol. Plus I feel that these are all good things to share!

 Well thanks for sitting through that!