A New Found Hope

 I am going to try and use this blog more. We will see how that goes! I could spend forever trying to catch up thi sblog on everything we have done the past year. But I am going to start with today( maybe do a flashback another day )

 I have always used thig blog to tell the good thing going on, tell about all the fun stuff, and maybe sometimes leave out the real things. Today I will be real.
 I mostly feel inclined to write today so that I can record my own feelings. I know I can do that in a personal journal or something, but at the same time, the things I am feeling are things to be shared!

 Lately I have struggled with normal human (girly emotional) struggles. :) Feelings of inadequecy, feelings of hopelessness. That I am just here to get through life. Feelings that I cant get through this on my own, so I guess its a lost cause. I should just give up and be happy with a mediocre life. Now I am not complaining of my life. I have a VERY blessed life right now. A great life, great husband, great family, a wonderful home, where I feel happy and safe. I am  not lacking in much right now. But what I had realized I was lacking in was spiritual nourishment. Now I have never been one of those people that was super dedicated to scripture reading, studying, praying and all of that. But  I guess recent questions and concerns have driven me to this, because I had no where else to go. I had exhausted all the other options. I didnt even think to turn to what I knew was the solution the whole time.

 It has only taken me a few days of putting in an honest effort, to feel the difference! What was I thinking before?? Even as I am writing this, i am realizing things I hadnt realized I was feeling before. I have never really understood the scriptures. Never really could relate them to myself. I have had spiritual highs throughout my life. im not saying that I have never felt the spirit or had a trstimony of the scriptures. Life crazy and sometimes you just get off the bandwagon! And I was off!

 This week I have put an honest effore into my scripture study and prayers. I dont want to stop now.
 The first day I read in the sciptures how we should pray through the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I didnt understand how that was possible. ( Mostly because I hadnt tried in a long time). I prayed to know how to do this. The next time was so inspiring. I now pray through the guidance of the Holy Ghost. I can finally express in my prayes exactly what I am feeling. Which has always been hard for me for some reason. I know how I am feeling but how do I put it into words?? I actually had phrases and words put into my mind, the exact words I had been searching to express.
 I have also learned the power of music. I always have some kind of music playing when I am home. Never bad music, just something to fill the silence. I have learned that listening to uplifting and soft, spiritual music ( not necessarily just hymns) is very inspirational. It instantly brings the spirit into my home, and helps make scripture study and prayer more meaningful. I dont know how ir works, it just does! It is almost instantaneous.
 I have learned how important it is to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. For me, the best way to do that right now is through music. It is also by praying through the Holy Ghost. And as a consequence, he is there. The Holy Ghost has the piwer to guide our every action. Not tell us what to do, but help us make better decisions.
 I also, in only the last few days, I have felt an overwheming amount of hope. Just hope in being happy, and being loved. Finally having hope that I can have a real relationship with God again. I have a hope that iIcan overcome my small ( but seemingly huge to me) problems. I have hope that whatever comes, I really dont have to do it a lone. I now understand the concept of having "weak things be made stronger". While I havent been able to over come ALL of my weaknesses in a week, I can see it in the futures, and that is my hope. that I can see my goals in the future.  If we pray for strength to overcome our small weaknesses ( truly and earnestly) we will get it!

 Also, I dont feel that scripture study is a painful as it sounds haha. It is different for everyone. I tried going a long with a manual, and that didnt work for me. Sometimes I try to start from the beginning and go to the end. That doesnt always work for me either. I used to spend my mornings doing what I wanted. Checking emails, breakfast ( well I guess that ones OK) TV. I dont know, bascially just wasted away the morning. But I have found my days to be sooooo much better, more uplifted, just plain HAPPIER when I spend, even just 30 min to trying to feel the spirit. Today I just decided to read about hope. I found a scripture and just kept reading after it. I ended up reading the last two chapters of 2 Nephi. Some of the scriptures that stood out to me.
2 Nephi 31:20 " Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a prefect brightness of HOPE, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father, Ye shall have eternal life."

2 Nephi 32 : 8-9   ....... "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate they performance unto thee, that thy performance may be to the welfare of thy soul."

 Now I know this is a very different blog post than my others.  And like I said, I could have written this all in a personal journal ( which I am no good at ) so bacially its easier for me to type it lol. Plus I feel that these are all good things to share!

 Well thanks for sitting through that!